Today I sat with my field supervisor. We looked at my role, how the Short-Term Program is designed, how to implement what I feel called to do, and so much more. It took most of the day (yeah no joke I felt like my head would fall off). After this helpful but long and hard meeting I met with a Team Leader. She was so lovely....but my mind was on over load. Hope what came out of my mouth was cohesive, but truth be told, I am not sure I knew my own name at that point.
With everything done and even more lists for tomorrow on my desk, I head to the store. Everything in me wanted to just head home but I couldn't. Needed food, air time (phone credit), and petrol for my beast of car. So, with as much of a smile I could muster up I headed in the store. Got what I needed. Stood in the long lines to check out, guess others were in the same boat I was. I was next in line and this lady with two things came in front of me. I looked at her and she kept moving forward.
Ok, truth time. Inside I was pissed. Ready to tell her I was next and she was more than welcome to go after me, seeing that was her place in line anyways. Mentally I said a prayer it went something like this..."Lord I hope the clerk tells her "no" so I can go. I mean, why can she cut in front of me? We all have to wait our turn. It is what is nice and kind. So help me out here!"(Now reading that.... sounds selfish I know!)
Thankfully I was so tired and out of it I did not say anything (Trust me I could have gone all American on her if I wanted to.) I paid for my things and walked to my car. While I was driving to get petrol I saw all the faces of the workers I knew from the store came to mind. Every time I walk in I greet them, chat for a bit, and thank them for all that they do. (You could say I was thinking I was a good person at this moment in time.)
As I thought about the workers I knew, while getting petrol, I thought again of the thoughts I had in line. They were not of the Spirit. The fruits of the spirit were NOT shining through me. That started more thinking.....yeah, I too am so lost on how I have any mind power left.
Have I grown at all? Do others see the Lord when they look at me? Do I leave the fragrance of the Lord every where I go? I pray so, but some days I am not so sure.
Thanks Lord. Thank you for loving me even on my awful no good days. When I see a mess you see your daughter. It is so comforting to know how You hold me in Your hands when I through mine up in the air! Please work in me...for you know how much further I have to go. Amen.