From and early age I would hear things like….”You are one of kind Sunshine.” “You are special.” “No matter if you have a learning disability or not…you are smart.” “You are mine and you make me smile.” ‘You shine so bright.”
|A lot of the encouraging words I heard as a child came from this lovely lady!|
How could anyone, hearing encouraging words like this see themselves as anything but one of a kind?! While hearing these amazing words I also learned how broken, sinful, greedy, selfish, and lost I really was. God did a miraculous thing in my heart when I was the age of 12. He showed me I needed Him more than anything else. With faith like a child I prayed for Jesus to save me. (He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed. 1 Peter 2:24.)
To this day, I can recall all the detail of the moment Christ was made the center of my life. Now, when this happened that did not mean my selfishness, greed, brokenness, sin, and or dyslexia went away, never to be see or heard of again. In fact the opposite happened! All the CRAP in me, yes I am a missionary I said crap, was magnified. The Holy Spirit pointed out everything with microscope precision. And no matter what I do or how hard I try…until I reach Heaven’s joys, bright heaven’s son, I will not be fully Christ-like.
Now here is the kicker. Knowing of all this I stand scratching my head. God in His infinite wisdom is using me in Africa, when He could fully well do it all on His own. Heavenly Father, Creator of Heaven and Earth, Yahweh, the great I Am is using me. He is using sinful, greedy, selfish, prideful, tattooed, and broken ME!
“Holy Crap…why on earth,” is what I daily ask. And every day this is the answer I get…
Cassandra, you don’t have to know. It is ok if you do not see it. You just have to trust, trust in me. I know what I am doing, so you do not have to. You just need to walk by faith and not by sight, as hard as it may be. You have to know I made you just the way you are and I made you this way for a reason. Just because some one else does not see it, or get it does not mean there is no value. So, can you trust? Can you let go and daily do what I set before you? Everyday can you love and support the people I place into your life, no matter how long they are there for? Daughter that is all I am asking you do because I am doing the rest for you. –Abba
So until the day I take my last breath and see my savior face to face, I will be who He made me to be and I will do what He is asking of me. For He has done so much more in order to call me daughter. (I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14)
|Learning to love who I am and how Christ made me|